The IM Rant....Apologies in advance :)

I've been wanting to write this for a while. I just couldn't gather my thoughts and clarify them to make it interesting. You might not think its interesting, but unfortunately i do. First of all, apologies in advance if you read this and take offence. That's not my aim. I just thought its funny to take note of some peoples chatting behaviour.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. IF YOU TAKE OFFENCE YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE! DON'T COMPLAIN!

Number One. The L337 chatter and the hipster. Annoying as fuck because you can't understand what the hell they type. Yes you may be the R0xx0r but you're a DUMB455 too. Maybe there's something in the water, or maybe even global warming, but this generation of teens are on their own planet. Maybe its just me, but seriously, when did we start speaking in algebra? What happened to vowels? What happened to proper spelling?

I saw an article on the BBC website about this. Or in hip talk, "sw n rtcl on d BBC site bt dis". Send me a message like this, be it on facebook, msn or sms and you risk deletion ;)

Number Two. The dramatic typer. I could say I might be one...but not really. And did you see that...what i did just there? Thats the only reason you could consider me a dramatic typer. I love my three periods (don't be stupid). And my quick little additions in brackets also add a bit more fun into what you're reading. Like a sarcastic remark or private joke whispered on the side or behind someones back....only its on your screen. But you get the picture, right?

We're entertaining. The other type of dramatic typing i absolutely LOATHE is the type that leaves you wondering if the person on the other end has some sticky keys (could be for a number of reasons....lets not get into that). You site there typing away with someone and then you gets thisssssss. What the fuck, honestly? Or you get this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as i know, in any language, one exclamation point is enough to get the point accross.

But then i have to rethink this because there's uneducated people that don't know when its appropriate to use the exclamation point. You use it to express emotion people! Like what i did here! and there! Maybe two is enough to really show you mean business. But 130? Even question marks. 130?? Two is enough to really make it dramatic. As for the extra letters...you're retarded sorry. Either clean your keyboard, or learn how to type like a descent human being....please.


Number Three. The Capitalist. You probably already know this, but when typing an article or message, capitals equals SHOUTING. And you probably already knew this, but its bad manners to SHOUT. If you find yourself being ignored, it might have been the fact that you "shouted" at me for no reason. If you got a keyboard problem, you should get that checked out....likewise if its because of OCD. Oh, accronyms are allowed to be in capitals.

Number Four. The Blind One. This one will probably offend some people but like i said, thats not my aim. Take it as a joke. The main characteristic of a pest is that they're unable to differentiate between an "away", "busy", "in call", "out to lunch" and "online" status on various instant messengers. This can lead to conflict when the question "why are you ignoring me" pops up.... Well lets have a look at the reasons behind this shall we.

Away according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary is defined as follows:

1: on the way : along <get away early>
2: from this or that place <go away>
3 a: in a secure place or manner <locked away> b: in another direction <look away>
4: out of existence : to an end <echoes dying away>
5: from one's possession <gave away a fortune>
6: steadily onward : uninterruptedly <clocks ticking away>
7: by a long distance or interval : far <away back in 1910>

You get the picture right? Lets take a look at busy.

1 a: engaged in action : occupied b: being in use <found the telephone busy>
2: full of activity : bustling <a busy seaport>
3: foolishly or intrusively active : meddling
4: full of distracting detail <a busy design>

Am i getting the message through? The rest are pretty self explanitory. SO on that note, if my status is set to "away", please don't assume i'm sitting right there so you can IM me and expect a reply. And if i'm "busy", it probably means i've got better things to do, or i'm tied up :)

And last but not least. Number Five. The Pest. I know alot of people, if they even read this far, will most likely take offence. This is the person that feels they HAVE to IM you if they find you in their online contacts. Most of the time without reason, or even valid topic of discussion. The opening line "whats up" comes to mind. Once you see the "whats up" pop up on the screen, you know the conversation might as well be considered dead. Rather than "hey how are you" or "hey what are you up to", they choose "whats up". With the first two, you can at least give a straight forward answer and elaborate, just to get conversation going. With "whats up".....what are the possible answers? "Nothing?", "Not much?", "The sky?", "My d***?" (sorry).

And when i stop replying messages you know its because you've either bored me to death or because i've found something better to do. Or i just don't have anything more to say.

Again, don't take offence.

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